Part One:Read This Before Somebody Gets Killed

This post is very long and very important.  In fact, I am going to cut this piece into two sections, one running this morning and one running this afternoon.  One reason they're long is there is a lot of information.  Another reason they're long is when you have this much stupidity to mock and write political satire on there is no limit to how much detail you can add.  And finally...when you are talking about Johnson, it can get long without you even knowing it.  I've been typing and editing this thing for hours and it just keeps getting longer and longer. 

Anyway...both blogs deal with a dangerous and risky scheme.  Please pass them around to your aviator friends, and if you know any pilots in the Southern California area, you may want to suggest that they take up chainsaw juggling or Great White French Kissing or something like that---certainly something less dangerous than flying in Blakey's Unfriendly Skies.

The FAA, in their infinite stupidity, has proposed relocating the Palm Springs Approach control functions into the Southern California TRACON.  That in and of itself is enough to get the entire California congressional delegation in a lather, and it is certainly worth of space in this blog.  But wait...there's more.

But before we dissect this moronic and ham-handed bit of idiocy, before we watch in amusement as the big Johnson is de-pants'd in front of a roomful of pilots, before we grind the cigarette butt of truth in the FAA's ashtray full of lies, I want to remind you of the FAA's own words, their treasured and vaunted Values:

Our Values

Safety is our passion.  We're world leaders in aerospace safety.

Quality is our trademark.  We serve our country, our customers, and each other.

Integrity is our character.  We do the right thing, even if no one is looking.

People are our strength.  We treat each other as we want to be treated.

So step right up, Bangers, and peek now at the dangerous and reckless farce that the Failed Aviation Administration is poised to perpetrate on the taxpayer, the customer and the stakeholder, and let's see what exactly they are doing when, as they say, "no one is looking."

Marion Blakey and the Marionettes want to close down Palm Springs Approach.  They want to shutter the place and send the work to the Southern California TRACON in San Diego.  The FAA would have this work done by an area in SCT that is at historically low staffing levels, adding over 220,000 operations per year to some of the busiest controllers in the world, working some of the most challenging airspace in the world. 

When the rumor of this stupidity first surfaced, the Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association got busy.  They fired off a sternly worded letter to the White Star Line, and the FAA listened.  Here is AOPA's request for a meeting on this issue, dated April 23rd...

Download aopa_letter_on_psp.pdf

The FAA carefully handled Mr. President Phil's request, giving it the respect they felt that it deserved.  In other words...they sat on it for TWO WHOLE WEEKS, only then announcing that they would hold a meeting on May 10th.  The purpose of the meeting was to present the FAA plan and tell the fifty thousand or so customers they have based in Southern California that, using those same core "Values" that some loser once wrote on butcher paper with a big, fat, fruit-scented colored marker---dammit, they really, really care.

Except that there was just one teensy-weensy little problem.  The letter announcing the meeting was faxed to ONE person late on the evening of May 7th, and it wasn't made public until May 8th...giving everyone from customers to stakeholders to congressmen to interested third parties just 48 hours notice.  Here...see for yourself...

Download faa_pats_aopa_on_the_head.pdf

Whoops...so much for quality as a trademark, safety as a passion, integrity as a character.  I mean, really people:  the only folks in Southern California who don't have plans for two days from now are the ones still waiting for their dealer to get back from Tijuana with the stuff.

Nevertheless, and in spite of a total lack of class or respect shown by the FAA and in spite of the late notice, the meeting was fairly well attended (for a school night,) with over 50 people present in the audience.

FAA Regional Administrator William Wythecomb led off the meeting with an introduction of FAA-annointed air traffic control experts to answer questions about this facility closure at the hastily assembled two hour meeting.  (Memo to Main Bangers:  If the FAA tries to hurry you along, they are hiding something.  In fact...if the FAA ever writes you, calls you or makes eye contact with you...they are hiding something.)

The assembled panel of air traffic experts, looking puffier than Jerry Seinfeld in a pirate shirt, were:

Mr. David Bruce Johnson, VP of Terminal Operations.  While he was described as an expert, Bruce has not worked operationally as a real air traffic controller in so long it is rumored that he was the one to give Amelia Earhart her holding instructions.  Bruce is not famous for his air traffic expertise.  He is famous for trying to exterminate air traffic controllers.

He supported the largest mass termination of air traffic controllers since the strike of 1981.  He oversaw and confirmed those 12 firings.  David B's churlish and immoral decision was overturned at arbitration, the controllers were returned to duty, and the FAA's sagging reputation took another massive black eye courtesy of a poking from the big Johnson. 

Bruce was rumored to have supported at least one other firing of a union representative that was completely overturned, making his record a very respectable ZERO for 13.  What?!?!?!?  Zero for 13?!?!?!?  Zero for 13 is a record you want to have if you sleep around and you are trying to avoid STDs, not the sort of record you would expect from someone who is an arms-length from the FAA Administrator.  Sheesh.  I don't know what profession you Main Bangers are in, but if I went 0 for 13 as an air traffic controller I would be on the cover of Newsweek and I would be spending my nights at the Crossbar Hotel, meeting my new girlfriend Bubba. 

Bruce was also the unscrupulous carnival barker who tried to con the NTSB into believing that he had disseminated guidance to all air traffic control facilities that they staff two or more people on the midnight shift---verbally. 

Yeah....right...verbally.  Like all directives from the top floor at FAA.  "Verbally."  Like they imposed those new work rules..."verbally."  Verbally...yeah...that's the ticket.  That must be why Lexington Tower was understaffed that midnight shift, and why those 49 innocent people had to die.

And yet---this pretentious, nattering old fool is second level from the Administrator.  Virtually every decision BJ has ever made on the treatment of controllers has been overturned or will be when he had the good sense to resign or retire.  Virtually EVERY SINGLE ONE.  In short, Bruce Johnson is to air traffic control what a stapler is to genitalia.  But I digress.

Ms. Linda O'Brien, Air Traffic Manager, SoCal TRACON.  Linda hasn't worked traffic for at least eleven years.  In ATC that is pretty much, "since dinosaurs roamed the earth."  Linda's facility is the one that will bear the brunt of the agency's decision in this case, so she was at the meeting to pick up her blindfold and cigarette.

Mr. Mark Hidenger, Air Traffic Manager for Palm Springs.  Mark does not maintain operational currency, and has not for several years.  In fact, the only thing I know that he does is follow orders like some kind of Imperial Storm Trooper...except that his hard white plastic outer shell is kind of wrinkled.  Damn those controllers...took all the money out of the budget.

And finally...Ms. Teri Bristol, the current "Acting Western Pacific Western Service Area Director Of Air Traffic Control Operations," a title so long that she needs two business cards just to fit it all in.  Ms. Bristol was described as having a background in automation and apparently has no real experience as an air traffic controller---which means her title is also longer than her resume'.

Coming in the Main Bang at noon:  Part Two of this story, tentatively titled, "Pilots Caught Spanking Johnson In Palm Springs."

Comments

[Daniel]

An hour ago, one good friend on EbonyFriends.com asked me to read this article and he said it is very moving. and i share the sentence Safety is our passion. We're world leaders in aerospace safety with you. and i shall remember it for ever.

[MC]

Sweet,

This is 2 outta 3 that I get to post first! But that came with SL attached.

Damn it, win some, lose some. Hi Gordan, what do you think about Teri?

MC/ANC

[amanda]

"integrity is our character" LOL

[moshowme]

Finally I have the greatest JTB line of all time:

"Bruce Johnson is to air traffic control what a stapler is to genitalia"

Brilliant, evocative, discriptive and unfortunately true.

WoW Bull... go get him!!!!

[C$M4]

And they are going to try the same thing at Palm Beach, FL, among other places. One well-placed hurricane, like they ever get those in Florida, and most of South Florida will be ATC-Zero. Smart thinking, Marion.

[xing]

LOL Too damn funny. You know what John, with Phil Boyer's past history on getting in bed with Marion, I dont see him trying to come in the front door on this one either. He will once again slide in a side window and quietly seduce the witch and "MISRPRESENT" the very group he represents.
Let ALPA get their way,.....and if they think I'm doing the minimum now,.......LOL. Hmmmm,....I purposely dont give directs, and to think someone will be held down at a great fuel burn altitude just tickles me.

Yea lets play !

[rc]

Now that's what I'm talking about. Militancy I love it. We should all do what xing is doing. That is why we are failing. Not enough kick-ass.

[Mary H, Elk City Ok]

My brother is a ATC, he can retire in 4 years. Most of the current controllers approx 14,000 are set to retire. The new trainees are making $8. and some change per hour. Not exactly what they were promised when they went to ATC school. You can work at McDonald's and make $8.00 and not have near the headaches and responsiblity for peoples lives. I think in order to be the head of the FAA, you should be required BY LAW to at least be an ATC for 10 years. If you don't know the system, how the hell can you run it!!!