Roll Call In Herotown

I was in church Sunday morning and the pastor asked all the veterans to stand up.  I stood along with many others while the congregation showered us with warm applause and gratitude.  The pastor was well meaning and the gesture was genuinely heartwarming, but I felt sheepish and embarrassed and ashamed.  You see...for maybe the first time in my life...I was ashamed that I was alive, and I was receiving the accolades and appreciation that were meant for the dead.

Memorial Day isn’t really about living soldiers, or veterans, or picnics, or the Indy 500, or long weekends and the official start of the summer travel season.  It is about honoring the men and women who have paid for our freedom with their lives.  It is about honoring the men and women who have died in military service to our country.

The history behind the holiday is fascinating---did you know, for instance, that one of the first recorded celebrations of what was then known as "Decoration Day" was held by liberated slaves on the site of a Confederate prisoner of war camp?  Or that the Yankee General who led the call for a national holiday to honor our war dead did so because he was so impressed with how the South honored their departed heroes?  Go to this Wikipedia page and read a quick primer on Memorial Day.  Then come back, and read on.

At some point in time I hope everyone will pause today to remember our nation’s war dead.  Regardless of your personality (don’t get me started,) your patriotism (don’t get me started,) or your politics (forget about it,) I hope you will join the rest of us and take a moment today to remember the sons and daughters of this great country of ours who gave their lives in the defense of a freedom that is so free that we take it for granted. It's hard, I know.  There really is no good way to show your appreciation for someone who DIED for you.  Believe me---whatever you do, it will pale in comparison.  But I hope you'll try.

And while the history of what was once a melancholy memorial is fascinating to read it is by no means an instruction manual, as Memorial Day long ago evolved into picnics and long weekends and the start of many a trip to the beach.  And yet, Memorial Day remains a profoundly sad day for millions of family members across the land, and it is the families in mourning that I think about the most.

On this day they are compelled to remember the light of their lives---the son, the daughter, the brother, the sister, the fiancee, the carrier of their dreams.  The families remember the colicky, fussy infant child they walked the halls with, hour after never-ending hour.  The toddler who giggled and grew.  The boy who nailed the roller skates to the two by four.  The teenager who stole the roll of quarters to play those video games.  The college boy who worked two jobs to go to school.  The gangly youngster who grew into the man who grew into the uniform that he volunteered to wear---the uniform he fought for and was buried in.  The hero who gave his life in defense of yours. 

The families of our war dead never enlisted and yet they served.  They never signed up to sacrifice so much for so many, and yet sacrifice they did, and sacrifice they do.  I think about the dead, yes, and I honor their service.  I weep to think that they were taken from us.  But the families of our war dead---they get a life sentence of doubt, a long, dark tunnel of solitude and a puffy, swollen river of tears. 

You see...while their loved one died in defense of our country, the family lost not only the loved one, but their very own life, as well...the life they knew and had with their fallen.  That life of theirs is gone. 

Forever. 

The families get an empty seat at Christmas to cry over.  The families get the never-ending explanations about "what happened to Chris."  The families get to worry and wonder and weep about what might have been if only he had, or if only they had, or if only we hadn‘t.

Yes, the men and women who died in the service of our country paid the ultimate price, but the price their loved ones paid and continue to pay is every bit as steep.

So please...as well meaning as it may be...don’t single out any living fighting man or woman, or a veteran, for special notice on this very special day.  They will get the attention they deserve this year on Veteran's Day...Sunday November the 11th, or perhaps when it is observed on Monday, November 12th. 

I had a poster in my office in Washington that said, "Honor The Dead, And Fight Like Hell For The Living."  I think that should be the unofficial motto of this holiday.  If you can in some way honor the dead for their valor that would be nice, and if you buy some flowers at a convenience store you won’t have to walk very far into the nearest cemetery before you come to the headstone of a soldier.  It won’t take you five minutes.       

But fight like hell for the living, too.  Don’t forget the families today.  If you know someone who lost someone, please don’t be afraid to tell them that you appreciate the sacrifice that they and their family member made for you.  Ask them how they're doing.  Let them speak.  Their family has suffered unimaginable heartbreak, their life now a poignant existence turned on it’s head.  You won’t be intruding on their grief to let them know that you appreciate their sacrifice, too.   

Whether their hero joined the military to see the world, learn a trade or save some money for college it is almost certain that they did not join the armed forces in order to die.  But die they did, in defense of our liberty, so that you and I can awaken free and independent on Tuesday morning in the greatest nation the earth has ever seen. 

And their family?  They awaken Tuesday morning with a neatly folded flag and twenty-one shell casings where their love and comfort and sunshine and optimism once stood. 

On behalf of myself, my wife and my four children I would like to thank the families of the fallen for their courage, their bravery and their profound sacrifice.  I know deep in my heart that they forever forfeited normal without being asked, and for that I am intensely grateful.   I would like to thank them for their family member’s ultimate sacrifice on behalf of me and my family.  I cannot fathom the pain or the loss they must be suffering, and as a somewhat new parent the thought of losing a child at any age, for any reason, is almost too paralyzing to bear. 

You never hear about most of these families because they suffer in silence.  They stoically carry on, one foot in front of the other, one day after another, one season after another.  But I know.  I know what they lost.  Maybe at Normandy. Maybe Inchon.  Maybe Khe Sanh.  Maybe Tikrit. 

What they lost was the loved one they knew.  But they lost their own life, too---the life they had the moment before that military car pulled into their driveway.  Because the life they have now is not the life they had then, and it’s never, ever going to be.  That is their sacrifice.  And that takes my breath away.

On this Memorial Day I am going to remember the families of our war dead, and I am going to pray for their strength and resilience and comfort during their darkest hours.  I am going to pray that God grants them strength, hope, courage, and love. 

And I’m going to pray for peace.

Comments

[Marcus Tomlin]

Hi Gordan.....

[xo]

very well said John. Most of us could not so eloquently say "thank you" as you have done.

[JustUser]

I agree with xo, very well said John.

I hope your message today is spread far and wide.

I rarely lay my head down on my pillow without a thank you to those who have made my peaceful sleep possible.

All gave some, but some gave all and I and my family are forever grateful.

[JH]

Thank you, John.

[Southern_ATC]

Well written as expected John and I also hope that our soldiers in Iraq that have fallen get the respect they deserve on this day and all that follow.
I'll also play a song for Bush Jr. today, one written in 1963 by Mr. Bob Dylan and most appropriate for this generation as well: Masters of War.

[vw]

John your writing style never ceases to amaze me as someone who also went to Roswell NM to school. The aliens must have taught you well . There is a great song that is appropo for today called I made it to Arlington by Trace Adkins...it hits the spot. Maybe sometime you could include a bit of history on how Arlington got started? Take care and thank you for the insights, the laughs, the tears, and helping to keep the people moving airplanes informed and letting us know someone cares.

[Pats working this issue also, yeah right.]

All I know is I cant go to any celebrations/picnics is because I am at work, so the fine point of Memorial Day is I get Double Time Holiday.

[NationalGuard]

A well written article. Thank you for that.

[Husband of "Wife of ATC"]

John,

I rode escort for SSG Christopher Moore, USA, as we transported him from DFW IAP to the Emerald Hills Funeral Home in Kennedale, TX on Monday - Memorial Day. I wish I'd read and printed your blog on this topic because you said it far better than I. Watching Sergeant Moore's family out there on the tarmac as his flag-draped coffin was lowered down to the waiting Honor Guard was difficult. It's always difficult to watch someone's grief; knowing so many of their hopes and dreams were there under that flag.

On just about every mission I've ridden with the Patriot Guard, family members have thanked us for honoring their loved one. But, as we always tell them, WE are the ones who are honored to serve them - to pay our respects for their sacrifice - the entire family's sacrifice.

Your article nailed it. And I thank you.

[Michele]

Husband of "Wife of ATC",

I want to thank you for your service in the Patriot Guard. I don't know if you've guarded anyone from a Fred Phelps protest, but I thank anyone who has. There are protests and then there are protests. Personally I don't think a funeral is the place for ANY protest, but I can almost understand an anti-war protest. Fred Phelps's protest has nothing to do with war. It is hatred, pure and simple. He and his followers are sick and demented people and the fact that he carries that hatred to the funeral of someone who gave the ultimate price for this country makes my blood boil.

Thank you again for protecting those grieving families. They are already traumatized without having to endure that too.